A Fine Night for the Woodsmen

A loving and tender ode to the nuclear family of yesteryear and the early Caucasian settlers of Livingston’s Paradise Valley, this is Haseltine’s most meticulously researched painting to date. Viewers may be surprised to learn that male children (such as the one depicted here clutching the ax), without the influence of television, social media, high sugar diets, processed foods and hands-off discipline, were usually able to develop full beards by the age of eight. The milky smooth chin that adorns the faces of today’s youth is the price we in the 21st century pay for our systemic institutionalized state of arrested development and socially constructed perennial adolescence.

Haseltine employs some creative license in the depiction of the baby however, as that robust of a beard on an infant would be absurd in real life.

While the constellations and most of the flora and fauna here are absolutely accurate, arborists are quick to point out the peculiar tree in the center of the painting. Due to the impending demise of said tree at the reluctant hands of the little boy, Haseltine chose to paint a fictitious tree so as not to upset his more liberal leaning fans.